


everything is fine (and it hurts)

by CCGK



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, POV Marinette Dupain-Cheng, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CCGK/pseuds/CCGK
Summary: It hurts.It shouldn't.(It's her fault.)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 14
Kudos: 107





	everything is fine (and it hurts)

It hurt.

  
It shouldn't. She was the one who rejected him, who maintained things professional, made boundaries. And she still stands by them. They are superheroes, they got responsibilities and they can't afford distractions or weaknesses. (The consequences of their pursuing a romantic relationship still hangs heavy in her mind. She doesn't want him alone in a destroyed world.)

  
It's still hurts. 

  
He doesn't call her m'lady (or buginette) anymore.

  
There is no flirting (didn't she want that?), no kisses on the back of her hand, no touches (she didn't even notice them until they were missing), even the way he looks at her is different. Everything is. 

  
He moved on.

  
He has a girlfriend.

  
He's taking akumas more seriously (that's a lie. He always took them seriously, it's only after he confessed to her that he became so focused in flirting.) It's nice, better, like it was before he confessed (a lie. He always loved her. Why didn't she noticed before?). 

  
So why does it hurt so much? 

  
It shouldn't.

  
It’s a good thing.

  
It's what she said she wanted.

  
(There will be no cat sitting alone in a rooftop without his lady, because the cat doesn’t have a lady anymore.)

  
“Ladybug?” 

  
She never thought she would ever hate that name so much. 

  
“Hey, Chat Noir.”

  
No Chaton, anymore. Professionalism, after all. (He's taken.)

  
She doesn't turn around to see him, maintaining her gaze down in the streets. She's sitting on Notre Dame. This place has so many good memories for them…patrol isn't the same either. She wonders if he has noticed that nothing is. He probably has, it's just that maybe he doesn't care about the changes (which is good, he shouldn't).

  
She is aware of him sitting beside her (at a healthy distance. Apparently the cat does have a concept of personal space, who knew?).

  
“I didn't expect to find you here,” He says after some minutes. (Before, that sentence would have included something flirtatious, maybe something about her beauty or about how happy he is to see her.)

  
Which, yeah, makes sense. It's not a patrol night and she normally doesn't transform unless it's duty related. That's more of a Chat Noir thing.

  
I didn't expect you to find me, she thinks. 

  
Being Ladybug gives me confidence and strength, I thought maybe it would be better to be her, she thinks of saying.

  
(And even if that is the truth it's also a lie. Being Ladybug doesn't give her either of them, it's Chat Noir. It's him who gave them to her first with Stoneheart and has continued to do so. He has always been her rock, and without him she would never have been Ladybug.)

  
She shrugs instead, doesn't look at him.

  
“Are.. are you okay?” (Before, that would have been accompanied by a hand on her shoulder, she can't help but noticing.)

  
“Everything is fine,” and she isn't even lying (now even saying white lies makes her think of Lila. She knows they are not the same thing but she's been avoiding doing it as much as possible, deflecting is better.)

  
“You don't seem to be.”

  
She snorts. “Well, I should be. Everything is fine.” If she says them enough times maybe they will come true. Her partner is happy with someone who _can_ love him back the way he deserves, Master Fu is free of any duties and living happily with Marianne, and yeah she messed up and now her reserve heroes are compromised, but everyone is happy and it's _fine_.

  
“Ladybug-"

  
_Ladybug, Ladybug, Ladybug, Ladybug_

  
(She wants to shout at him, wants him to stop calling her that. _M'lady, M'lady, I'm your lady! Why won't you call me that?!_ )

  
“Stop it.”

  
That shouldn't have spilled out.

  
“Stop what?” He asks patient and calm as always, even has the grace to look confused.

  
(He probably is.)

  
“Just…” She takes a deep breath and takes reigns over her emotions. She doesn't have any right to be angry with Chat Noir. “I appreciate you concern, Chat, I really do, but this is something I don't want to talk about. I just needed to get out for a moment from my civilian life. What about you?”

  
He carries the same expression he did when she called him after her trip to the future, but same as last time, he lets her keep her reasons private. 

  
(Except it's not the same because _nothing is the same anymore and she wants to screamcrystoptitplease-_ )

  
“Got a notification titled Ladybug sighting.”

  
“Oh.”

  
Her bad. She normally is much more discreet. He now knows that she was really distraught and that's why she had been caught in camera, but he probably thought there was an akuma. 

  
“Hey,” Chat says softly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “It's impossible for somebody to not slip up from time to time. I think with all the late happenings, you're completely justified. Besides, we're partners, I'm happy to help any way I can. And your burdens are mine too."

  
She feels a smile creeping up her face. “Thanks, Chat”.

  
(She fights back the urge to follow the warmth of his retreating hand. She's _Ladybug._ )

  
She thinks the conversation is already over when he continues. “I didn't get to say it earlier, but I'm sorry about Master Fu. I knew you two were close, and with him, uh… losing his memories, it must be hard for you. I only met him a couple of times but he seemed like a nice man.”

  
Right. That. He must thinks her mood is because of that. And he is not wrong per se, but he is not right either.

  
(When did they start to be so out of sync with each other?)

  
“He was,” she says. (He was nice and good and her mentor, but she resents him _so much_ and blames him and feels guilty about it but she _can’t_ help it. He _left_ her and he’s now happy without any concerns or responsibilities because he pushed all of them into her and she’s a _kid_. She wishes she had never found the book, never met him. He was the one who started the secrets between her and Chat, the one who was so insistent about the secret identities, the one who made the mistake and it’s all _his_ fault. But _she_ was the one who messed up.) “I should be going.”

  
Chat Noir nods. ( _Just_ nods. No dramatics. No kisses.)

  
She’s about to jump, when he abruptly calls for her.

  
“LB?"

(It’s better than Ladybug. 

It’s still _isn’t the same_.)

She turns her head around and regrets it immediately.

  
He's smiling at her softly, his hair (which she doesn’t pet anymore) is being blowing lightly by the wind, and his look is soft (and she could pretend is the same look he always gave her but it’s _not, it’s not, but it’s close but it’s **not** )._ “I know things have been difficult lately but, you got this, bug. There is nobody more qualified to be the guardian than you."

  
She smiles gratefully at him, and leaves before she can’t take it anymore, before her carefully constructed façade breaks _(again)_ because this is _Chat_. 

  
(If she breaks down in front of him now, everything will come spilling out, and that can’t happen. _He can’t find out._ )

  
_Chat_ who has infinite faith in her, who trusts her more than she even trusts herself, who ~~looks~~ looked at her like she ~~is~~ was his whole world and ~~hung~~ hanged the sun and moon and stars.

She can’t let him down.

(She promised him she would fix everything. She’s trying.)


End file.
